Week 7

Week 7 was another busy week. Thankfully, I've finished most of the projects I was working on, so I'm hoping week 8 will be a bit more mellow.

Healing is still going on well; nothing to report on that front. No pain, no new swelling, nothing. I honestly often forgot that I even had jaw surgery this week, a good sign that the worse is over and I'm starting to slip back into normal life.

However, I'm still really tired. If you've read my previous post, you know that at my last appointment with the surgeon, he said that I should be noticing a difference in my fatigue by then, since my airway is very open. I said I would ask my primary doctor for some thyroid, iron, vitamin D and vitamin B12 tests just to check, in case it could be fatigue related to something entirely new/different. Well, I got my results midweek, and it turns out that I'm iron deficient.

Usually, my doctor is pretty good at answering messages quickly and leaving notes on my results, but this time he hasn't said anything yet. It's been five days, and I've already sent him a message asking if I just needed to take an iron supplement to fix the problem, but I haven't heard back. I have no idea how badly I'm deficient, and because I'm an idiot and didn't think to ask for a CBC so that I could see my hemoglobin result (which is what would tell me if I'm actually anemic and how bad it is), I'm just in the dark right now. I know it hasn't been THAT long since we got the result, but this is so important to me right now that I'm being very impatient. I want to know if this is really the cause of my fatigue, which would mean I still have quite a bit of hope that the surgery was indeed successful, and that I just need to fix the new unrelated "issue" that cropped up because of the surgery.

I've scheduled an appointment with my GP, but the earliest he had is at the end of next week, so I guess I'll have to tap in the little amount of patience I have left. Running out of it at this point... 😌

I've just been feeling a bit down and annoyed these days. I did this surgery first and foremost in the hopes of fixing my fatigue/brain fog/daytime drowsiness, which I've been dealing with for the past 6 years now. I knew going in that it might not fix it because my sleep apnea is mild. Some doctors believe that the severity of the sleep apnea does not correlate with the severity of the symptoms, so someone like me could just be more sensitive to a mild sleep apnea and have bad symptoms vs. someone with severe sleep apnea that just doesn't get affected as much. The thing is, I figured if it doesn't work, at least I'll have fixed some of the stuff I didn't like about my face: lip incompetence, gum showing when smiling/laughing, horrible profile with no jaw line, maybe even fix those smile lines on either side of my nose. Sadly, I think I overestimated how much the surgery would change all that. I sort of expected to look really beautiful and changed after the surgery, but I still have lip incompetence, I still have gum showing, albeit less of it, I still have the laugh lines and they are more prominent. My profile is definitely a lot better though, but it's not "perfect."

I know I've been excited about some of these small changes in the past (I even raved about the reduced gum showing in my last post), but the main issue is that NOBODY sees a difference. I've asked my friends and they have all reacted the same way: looking a little uncomfortable, "humm"-ing and "eehh"-ing, saying stuff like "I guess from the side, a little bit?" or "Maybe once you get your braces off..." or "I never really examined your face that much before I guess". Even my own mother says she doesn't see that much of a difference in the pictures I sent her (she lives in Canada, so she hasn't seen me in person yet), saying "Maybe when I see you in real life I'll notice a difference?". Most of the people who said I looked different a few weeks back no longer see a difference now, so it seems to me like the "difference" they were seeing was just the swelling.

I'm just really bummed by this. Actually, I'm so downright depressed by this, I could cry. I know it's petty, and I know I didn't do this surgery to change my physical appearance, but I expected to look different; to look better. I personally do see a difference, mostly on the bottom part of my face, but most days I feel like I look less feminine. I tell myself that everyone goes through this phase of not liking their new appearance just because it's different. But I've never read on any other blogs that nobody in their entourage noticed a difference. Everyone receives comments like "Oh you look so much better," but I don't get that. I have to ask. Ugh. It's killing me.

Anytime I ask my husband, he says I look more beautiful and that he does notice a difference, but I think he's just trying to cheer me up, to be honest 😉. Or maybe he does see a difference because he sees me every day, but even then, if the changes are so subtle that nobody else notices, what's the point? If the surgery doesn't even fix my fatigue, I feel like I've gone through all of this for nothing. Maybe a better profile, but that's it. It seems like such a huge time, energy, effort, money and health investment for very little.

I'm just sad, guys. So let's hope the fatigue is caused by the iron deficiency/possible anemia, and that once it's fixed, I'll feel like a normal human being again. That would definitely make the surgery completely worth it.

Here are some pictures for this week for those of you who like to see the progress. Not sure if there is any progress, but I do think the swelling goes down a tiny bit every week. It's hard to tell!

Other than that, chewing is getting easier and easier. I have a lot more side-to-side movement and flexibility now, but I'm still 2-3 weeks away from being allowed to eat anything that isn't soft, so I'm sticking to the plan. I tried eating some noodles and fried rice from Panda Express (if you remember my Panda Express blending fail from the first few weeks post-surgery, you'll know how excited I was to try again, blend-less). I removed all of the veggies, but it was still a bit too tough. I could feel my jaw muscles getting tired and I got paranoid that I was eating something too hard too soon, so I stopped.

I must have eaten about 7 oreo cheesecakes from Chessecake Factory though! Man, I could eat those every day for eternity. Thankfully, I haven't gained any weight. I was worried that my metabolism was in overdrive since I've gained all my weight back within a week, but it looks like my body is just trying to stick to my normal weight no matter what, and just uses the extra energy for other stuff. Healing bones maybe?

Anyways, this post is already SO. LONG. I'm terrible at keeping these short. Let me do a quick run-down of the normal stats and call it a day.

Pain
No more pain at all! Some stiffness in the joints when moving side to side, and some jaw muscle fatigue after eating, but no pain.

Swelling
Same. I'm sure it's going down, but it seems to be sooo sloooow. I can't even tell if I have any left.

Numbness
Same, but now, when I drink something cold, the numb area gets even colder. Good sign! It must mean I'm getting some of the feeling back.

Diet
Same as last week. Mashed potatoes, soft fish, small pasta, cooked rice (not fried, as I found out), eggs, pudding, yogurt. I managed to eat some Chipotle, actually! I ordered rice, black beans and cheese in a bowl, and got the mild salsa on the side. I then removed all the onion pieces from the salsa and dumped it on my food. It was gooood. Oh, and I no longer need to use baby utensils. I am now back to using adult forks and spoons, yay!

Fatigue
Lots. Plus, I'm currently on my period (one week early, just to make matters worse), so it's not helping. Probably also not helping the crankiness/depressed feeling.

So that's it! I hope to have iron-related news next week after seeing my doctor.